"Mom, its not JUST a party"

Oh my heart. How it aches for women and their minds. When I see them trying to pick things out or try things on and the battle that goes on. I can see it in their eyes and I can see it in their body language. Especially young girls.

The other day I was shopping with my sister and we were in the dressing room. The only others there was a young girl (maybe teens) and her mom. Can you guess which one cared and which one didn't?

This poor girl was having a hard time and the mom just paced back and forth in a fleece and oversized jeans with gym sneakers...hair not done. No makeup. Now that might seem judgmental but just keep reading. (you must know where I am going with this by now...)

The girl was asking her mom's opinion. The mom says, as she paces, "Its fine. What about the first one. They're all fine. Its just a party. No one will know thats not black."

Mom, guess what? They will notice. And its not just a party. Its probably the most important thing that is happening in this girl's life right now. The mom has checked out before they even started. The girl just standing in the dressing room having no clue what to do. I'm sure she feels the pressure from a mom who doesn't care and peers that will. Maybe this girl wants more than a fleece and jeans. This girl still has a hope of appealing to someone. She hasn't given up yet.

As I watched, I debated whether or not to just step in and help this poor girl. The skirt was too short, the color of the sweater wasn't right for her or the skirt. The whole thing was not right for a party. I didn't want to step on them (mainly because the mom could probably kill me!) But my heart just keep breaking the more I watched.

This girl just wanted her mom to say, "Honey, you look beautiful. I love the way that looks on you." Or, "Oh sweetie, let's try something else. This doesn't seem to be working. Let's try a color that will make your eyes pop! Come with me, let's keep trying..."

I smiled at the girl as she walked past me. I wanted to hug her and say, "I know what its like to not know what your doing. To want to impress but feel helpless. To just want to fit in but can't seem to make the clothes obey your body. But you're beautiful, and you can find something better."

She smiled back a helpless smile. It was a smile that seemed to say, "thank you for smiling, for noticing me."

So this has two sides to it:

to the girl: Just because your mom doesn't get it, doesn't mean you're wrong. Its ok to want to look your best. And there are people out there that can help you achieve it. Its amazing the difference between knowing you're beautiful and feeling beautiful. You can have both.

and to the Mom: Do you remember what it was like to need to impress someone? A girl, a boy, the world? Do you remember how critical peers can be? It might be just a party to you. But to her...its life or death. It may not be your "thing" but take the time to listen to her. Feel for her. Help her.